La Vida Dolce

Love, Friends, and Everything in Between

Rollercoaster Love

rollercoaster loveSo I was driving along to clinic this morning, listening to my favorite morning radio show. Their  conversation gave me a chuckle this morning…so I decided to share it with y’all.  They were discussing whether it’s better to have a “whoa-woohoo” vs “ehh-frump” relationship/partner (their terms, not mine 😉 ). There’s nothing like a good relationship chat to wake up the mind.

Here’s their descriptions of the relationships:

Whoa-woohoo – This type entails a partner/relationship that’s more high-maintenance with lots of ups/downs and overall drama.

Ehh-frump – This type is where a partner/relationship is stable, consistent, and relatively low maintenance. (Warning: this does not imply the partner/relationship boring)

Now, I realize both types have their pros and cons, but in the long run, which is better? Is there a right answer? I feel that in our younger years we have a misnomer of the ehh-frump type as being boring and pliable; whereas, we’re intrigued by the uncertainty and excitement of the whoa-woohoo.

best friend loveWhile I was driving, I thought of my previous relationships/men I dated and which types the embodied. I would characterize them as the appearance of ehh-frump on the outside with a nice filling of whoa-woohoo on the inside … what a combo!  I think back to all the heart palpitations, emotional uncertainty, and seeming stability that permeated these relationships, and I realized how toxic they were eventually.

As I approach my thirties in the upcoming week, I feel a whole new sense of maturity starting to settle in.  Leaving my adult 20’s behind and jumping into the real adulthood puts life into perspective a lot. We begin to realize what we actually want vs what we thought we want. I do not believe there’s a right or wrong answer as to what partner/relationship works better – it honestly depends on the individual personalities, wants, and needs.

For me, my personality, wants, and needs work much better with the an ehh-frump type… so bring it on! 🙂

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Happy reading 🙂

Between Two Hearts

love triangle

 

Between two hearts is where I lay,

Choosing who should stay.

Moving forward, staying back

Its never as easy as that.

Who brings out the best in you?

No one know but you.

Broken-hearted lies ones’ fate.

Time will tell, a journey to unfold.

Between two hearts is where I lay.

                                                                         

Mommy Dearest

your-mother

My birthday is in 2 days and I will be turning 29. For some reason I’ve been quite apathetic about this birthday, which is unusual since birthdays are highly celebrated in my family.  I don’t feel like I’m turning 29. Mentally, physically, and emotionally I feel younger, not in an immature sort of way, but in a way that I feel there’s so much more to be done.  Some of you are probably already thinking “What are you complaining about? 29 is not THAT OLD!”, and yes you’re right, I’m not that old. I should save the freaking out until next year when I turn 30 ::gulp:: 😉 😛

Looking back on my soon to be 29 years, I feel a sense of panic – what have I actually done to “better” society and those around me? There’s so much left to discover, people to help, individuals to meet, and places to explore.  Time is going by incredibly fast, especially the last 4 years; those years have flown by like Star Trek’s warp speed. There’s so much in my mind that I still want to accomplish and I hope time and circumstance will allow them to happen.

I was talking to my mom yesterday, thanking her and my family for their wonderful birthday gifts, and we got to talking about the last few years.  She was amazed at how much I’ve blossomed as a woman and overcome many obstacles to be where I am now.  If anyone knows one thing about Momma G, you’d know that she’s always very proud of my sisters and I and never fails to express that to us.  It gives me a sense of pride knowing that my parents are proud of me, especially my mom, because I know just how much she sacrificed and helped my sisters and I along the way.  All the endless talks of encouragement and figuring out the best ways to get where we wanted to go.  I know at times my mom and I didn’t particularly see eye-to-eye, but I realized her “protectiveness” had a purpose that I’m truly understanding now.  I know I don’t say nor express it enough, but I appreciate every talk, move, and encouragement my mom has given me to get me where I am today.  Without her, I don’t think I’d have the strength to overcome the pitfalls in the road and continue moving forward.

So yes, in 2 days I shall be 29. There’s so much left to be done, but one thing’s certain, I’ll be glad to have my mom by my side every step of the way.

I would love to hear your thoughts. Happy reading 🙂

Fifty Shades of Grey

50shades1Next Saturday is Hallmark’s, Russell Stovers’, and every florists’ in towns favorite holiday – Valentine’s Day – and with that, marks another important day: the premiere of Fifty Shades of Grey.  I’ve only had the opportunity to read snippets of this book and listen to my girlfriends talk about it, but from what I’ve listened and read, I don’t feel it sets a positive example for healthy relationships.

It’s not the descriptive sex scenes that make me wince and want to hide under the covers; it’s the glamorization of sexual and domestic violence that irks me.  I read an article on endsexualexploitation.org which talks about how we’re romanticizing abusive relationships by allowing this sort of reading, and viewing material, to be available to the public.  Honestly, I couldn’t agree more with this article.  I understand the premise of the novel: Christian Grey took part in the BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadist, machoism) culture, which distorted his view on sexual relations, women, and romance.  Anastasia Steele is a quiet, devoted, intelligent young woman who falls for him and “patiently waits” for him to have an emotional epiphany while Mr. Grey continually uses manipulation and jealousy to subdue her.

50shades2On the outside, this scenario may seem romantic, but it is clearly not.  Millions of women around the world are facing this scenario head on every day and their lives are not filled with such “fanciful” depictions.  This novel is subliminally telling women that we should “forgive and accept” violent behavior by being patient and loving to our man; while on the other hand, it tells our men that we’re easily manipulated, intimidated, and can be subjugated to these abusive extremes.  How are these messages positive?  How are they empowering to women?  How do they teach our sons, fathers, and boyfriends the correct way to treat us?

I don’t condemn those for reading or seeing this book/movie, but I ask you to imagine yourself in a real-life situation where this is your reality everyday: how would you handle it?

I would love to hear your thoughts. Happy reading 🙂

Click here to read the article: Truth about ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Distance = Broken Hearts?

long distance1Being in a relationship in medical school is extremely difficult.  Neck deep in studying, crazy hospital hours, transient living, barely having enough time for ourselves – how is it possible to maintain a meaningful relationship, much less a long distance one? I was chatting with one of my guy friends about this, as he’s starting a new relationship and is concerned about the prolonged distance.  I’ve been in a long distance relationship before, and honestly, it was tough at times.  You’re not around your partner regularly to create new memories.  You can’t kiss, hug, or hold them as much as you want.  However, when I was able to do these things, I cherished them more because I knew they were such a rarity.  Before entering into a long-distance relationship I’d suggest asking yourself and your partner these questions:

  • Is your partner worth it?
  • What direction is the relationship going in? Just dating? Marriage?
  • How long will the separation last?
  • Are you eventually willing to leave your life to be with him/her?
  • Are you willing to be committed to the process? Are you too busy to do this?

Relationships in general require communication, commitment, and effort.  Anyone who’s been in an invested relationship can attest to that.  There’s moments of happiness and other times you catch yourself thinking “I can’t take this anymore”.  longdistance2Long-distance relationships are a whole other species of relationship, but they still require the same principles.  To make them last, I believe these principles must be in place from the very beginning:

Communication – Communication is more essential than ever in a long distance relationship.  Most of your communication revolves around constant Skyping, texting, and phone calls.  I think the most important aspect is making sure you’re partner feels they’re being listened to.  Ask about their day, their friends/colleagues, difficult situations their facing, funny/happy moments they had – this will make you, and them, feel more connected to each other’s lives.  Be open about your concerns and share your intimate thoughts with them.  There will be arguments, as in any relationship, but they need to be efficiently resolved to extinguish any insecurities that may arise.  Never let a moment go without letting them know you’re there and how much you care.

Commitment – Both partners need to be equally committed to taking this relationship to the next level.  Honestly, if you/your partner are not 100% committed into making this work, then don’t start the relationship.  

Effort – We will always be forever trying to juggle our busy lives, but don’t use it as an excuse as to why you can’t make time for your partner.  Of course, there’s moments when we’re busier than usual, but there’s always 5-10mins to spare to leave a text or phone call.  If it’s long-distance-relationship3important to you, you will make time to do it.  Make plans to Skype and visit each other and be consistent as possible.  This simple consistency shows you’re partner that you’re in it for the long haul and you value the relationship.  Also, this gives an opportunity to enhance and develop your friendship, because after all, you should love and like the person you’re with.

Long distance relationships are not for everyone.  They require another level of commitment, perseverance, and effort than most are used to in relationships, but with the right person, everything will be worthwhile.  Let this be an opportunity to expand your relationship, and you never know, you may even learn something about yourself.

I would love to hear your thoughts.  Happy reading 🙂

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